when that checklist no longer matters.
Growing up, I always made lists about what I wanted my person to have. I have dozens of iterations of "the list". There were basics that were a no brainer and stayed consistent in my versions of my list, like good hygiene habits, had a job, etc.
But there were things that were more specific to me. Things I thought were super important for my partner to have. A good cook. Spoke Spanish (or was willing to learn Spanish). Liked to play video games or read (it was important we had some baseline similar interests). Was a little bit nerdy (Anime, Manga, Tech, anything nerdy is such a major plus for me).
As I got older, and started actually dating people, my checklist continued to change. When you date around you start to realize what qualities you do or don't want your partner to have. Every failed relationship showed me what I needed in my person.
I added things like, has enough time to put into the relationship (I want someone who actually wants to see me), ambitious (I want you to have some sort of goals you're working towards), likes to go out and do things, but also likes to stay in sometimes (the perfect mix of introverted and extraverted). Is willing to open up and communicate (this was a huge issue in some past relationships).
A few months ago I was dating Piano J, and there were so many ways he didn't tic all the boxes. He wasn't Hispanic, which meant he couldn't really relate to my culture (and because he was white, he didn't really have a culture of his own?). And while he actually spoke a good amount of Spanish, which is something really important to me, I was bothered by all the other boxes he didn't tic.
I now know that it had little to do with the boxes he didn't tic, and the fact that my gut was telling me that he wasn't my person (not even close actually). He had some red flags show up a little while later.
But it's funny, I remember telling my friends, he's really nice, but I don't know. There are so many ways he doesn't really tic this or that box.
A few weeks after breaking it off with Piano J, I met someone. I don't know what it was, but I was immediately drawn to him. From there we started having a conversation, and we vibed so well. Not only was the conversation good, but I genuinely felt really comfortable with him. As someone who has anxiety, it's quite a feat to make me feel comfortable within the same day as meeting them.
After getting to know Gamer J, he checks tons of boxes. It's interesting, because the boxes that Piano J didn't check off, are similar to the ones Gamer J doesn't check off.
And you know what?
I don't care. The way I get a long with him, the way he makes me feel, all the quality and traits he does possess, more than make up for the things I thought would be important to me.
I recently found a list of qualities and traits I want my person to have from about 4 years ago, and behold my surprised when Gamer J checks most things off . Even though he doesn't check off every single box, I'm not bothered in the slightest. I like him and his personality so much, that at the end of the day my checklist didn't even matter.
Hey, best wishes 🙂
Also, like the way your have written this blog 😁
Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
I sometimes make a quick list in my head with the checkboxes I want my person to tick off but considering the world, the society I live in, etc., I keep reminding myself that finding someone I vibe with and am comfortable with is much more than ticking off boxes. It is interesting how you found someone who is almost perfect for you. Of course, there will be flaws but no one is perfect. I keep thinking if I would tick someone else's boxes and that makes me see things more realistically.
The person I'm dating definitely has flaws, and while they could be a deal breaker for someone else, they aren't to me. You will definitely tick someone else's boxes in all the right ways. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂 xx
This is so interesting. Love this post completely.
Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂
I'm Loving this post, I'm glad you met someone your clicking with, that vibe is so important.
Thank you so much! Yeah, i feel super lucky to have found someone so special, i honestly never thought it would happen to me!
I think we all have that ideal list, but once we find someone to who we are drawn to it can change completely!
Corinne x
Maybe that's what it is? Maybe that we don't throw out our list entirely, but our list changes as we continue to meet people! Thanks so much for reading and commenting 🙂 xx
I love this post! It's so true, the right person doesn't need to have every tick-box checked. How someone makes you feel and the chemistry you have is more important. xx
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Exactly, but I feel like it didn't hit me until it didn't matter! Thanks so much for reading and commenting 🙂 x
I love that feeling of just instantly "clicking" with someone and even though they might not have been exactly what you thought you were looking for, they're perfect for you! Great post xxx
Exactly, it's like a romantic novel come true! Who would have though, aha. Thanks so much for reading and commenting 🙂 xx
Honestly, it's so true that the checklist often doesn't matter. My husband didn't check hardly any of the boxes I originally thought were "absolute necessities" for my partner. But he's the perfect person for me and I'm really glad that I threw away that list because it led me to be with my best friend!
It's kind of funny how things end up working out! That's exactly how I feel about the person who I'm dating right now. He's honestly my perfect person, and I could not be happier. Thank you so much for reading and commenting 🙂 xx
It's great when we find someone who connects to us in a way that speaks directly to who we are and how we want to be loved. Lovely post!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I feel the same way! I've never felt so connected to someone before, and it feels amazing and...right 🙂