Why is Slut Shaming Still a Thing?
I still remember the first time I was called a slut. Believe it or not, the word came out of my father's mouth. I was 18 years old, and was dressed getting ready to go out to a friend's house. I walked into my kitchen, where my dad looks up and down at me, and says something along the lines that I was dressed like a slut (yes, I do specifically remember him using that word). My mom was there too, where she agreed with what he said. I don't quite remember how I responded, probably angrily or unfazed by what he said, when in reality I was hurt (even a bit confused).
I can remember exactly what I was wearing. I was wearing a tank top, a pair of ripped tights, some shorts and a pair of Dr. Martens. With the exception of the rips in my tights and my arms, every other part of my body was covered.
Even if I was showing skin, why would that make me a slut? These people were my family, and it was beyond shocking to hear that word coming out of their mouth. They knew me, or at least I thought I did.
slut /slət/ noun derogatory: a woman who has many casual sexual partners.
What exactly is a slut supposed to dress like? How can one assume, by the way someone is dressed, how many sexual partners someone has had? Even better question, why does anyone care?
For as long as I can remember, people used the word slut to degrade women. To make they feel terrible about themselves. Dirty even.
Why would a woman ever feel bad for having sex or enjoying it? Why should women be called nasty words because they are doing the same thing that men are doing. If a woman is having sex there's obviously another person involved. Like the saying goes, it takes two to tango.
Thanks to Tumblr, I got educated in slut shaming, and refused to call any woman a derogatory word, because the truth is, they're not any of those things. You're not a slut or a whore, you just like sex.
Well either you like sex, or I guess you're dressed a way someone doesn't approve of. Ladies, listen up, dress however the f*ck you like (excuse my language). Those words that people throw at you says more about them than you.
You know what you are and what you aren't.
What are your thoughts on slut shaming? Let me know in the comments below. As always have a wonderful day/night. Sending you all love, strength and positivity.
-Melina xxx
Great post Melina. This double standard goes far, far back in history. It's only been since birth control in the 60's that women have had a choice about having sex with only a small chance of getting pregnant. Before that women were turned out of society for unwed pregnancies and their children were ostracized as well. And we did it to each other. I wonder if women slut shaming other women comes from this same place; a fear of being cast out of society and rejected. More likely it comes from competition among us for men's attention. The thing is that there is far greater happiness to be found when we embrace sisterhood. We all share an astounding commonality that is so different from men. We need each other for support and love and encouragement. Together we are stronger, smarter and braver. Thanks for the post. It really got me thinking.
I haven't put a lot of these things into account. While birth control didn't exist, condoms have existed since the time of the Egyptians! I think it's terrible that women and children were ostracized, especially when it takes two to have a child! I am so with you in terms of embracing sisterhood and girl power. There's more than enough men, to not pit against each other. We have more than enough problems in the world without having to bring each other down. Thank you for this thoughtful comment Jana! xx
I'm so sorry you experienced that, I can definitely relate with a similar situations. I see it happen ALL the time, & I'm always fast to step in and defend someone, like what you don't like their style of dressing or their piercings or some thing so they're a slut? Honestly people piss me off so much that they still associate the way women dress and their choices of style to being a slut. Like what if she can't settle and keep finding douches so she sleeps around to have a good time? Should that concern anyone but her sexual partners? Like HELL NO! Ughhh. I would not forget sometime last year a relative of mine looked at what I was wearing and was like "all these short things and then you guys wonder why the men would want to trouble y'all" I was so pissed. I live in the Caribbean it's ALWAYS hot out and I'm young, I enjoy my shorts. It's like back in the day no one was complaining about all the nippy stuff our gran parents were wearing. And good gosh that comment boiled my blood and it's things like that, that encourages the heck out of rape culture. And honestly, some women can be annoying too, like they can be so fast to rise against their fellow women and join men in shaming us for our bodies and desired sexualities. Lol can you tell this is a topic I love debating and can get under my skin? 🙁 People are just not nice...smh
xx Lena | https://lenadeexo.com
I don't understand the thought process of women's clothing and how men behave. They should know better. They're adults. It says way more about them than us.
I just get beyond infuriated when I think too much about this topic. I'm honestly baffled as to where they came up with some of these conclusions about women.
I love debating this too! I think I'm going to continue this into a girl-power series, just cause I love talking about it so much
I feel so strongly about this! You’ve put exactly how I feel into words. Awesome piece❤️
Thank you so much! Means a lot to me 🙂 xx
I feel for you. Though nobody in my family called me a slut, it was my peers. I went to a private school and there were no uniforms at the time. Most of my classmates were into super trendy name brands, mostly wearing clothing with alligators and polo players on them. I was really into punk/goth, and although I had to wear a skirt, it was always black, topped with a black shirt and jacket, black tights and doc martens. Basically, because I was the only one who dressed like this, I had to be a "slut." They never took the time to talk to me, listen to my music or see my artwork. They did however attempt to copy my tests and homework and be sure to let me hear behind my back that they could get away with it because I was a "nobody slut." People really need to stop judging others, and now that I have my own kids, I have been really clear about not being judgmental, and that's worked out. They are all a bit geeky, and I have one borderline goth, but they are all respected for their brains and personalities. No large friend groups, but the ones they have a good kids, and the kind who will stick up for them if anyone tries to shame them. Saw it with my own eyes. And that's the way it should be.
I'm so sorry to hear that you had such a terrible high school experience. People do say that the struggles we go through help us learn things in life, and in this case it seems to be true. You're probably a wonderful mother, who allows they're children to embrace their true selves. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me xx
I enjoyed reading this and I agree so much. Why do men get idolised for being sexually liberal but women are shamed? Slut shaming is something that needs to just die down. Its just degrading for no actual reason.
completely agree love! I'm going to do a post that carries off of this soon in terms of things that need to change in order for slut shaming to go away! Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂 xx
Great post! I feel for you hearing what your dad said, my dad would always say similar things growing up and it can be very hurtful, especially when you really aren't dressed that revealing. I remember he's say that about "spaghetti strap" tank tops...
I hope people smarten up. AND it's 2018 for crying out loud, women are ALLOWED to like sex! Like you said, no one is slut shaming men for having it, so women shouldn't be treated differently.
omg, your dad sounds way worse. My dad never criticized me for wearing spaghetti straps, but nonetheless it was super frustrating for me as a teenage trying to find her way in life.
Exactly! I'm so glad you agree. Thanks so much for reading and commenting! Your thoughtful comments always make my day xx
Yeah, growing up was an ordeal lol. There's a difference between guiding your children to dress in a way that you think is appropriate and flat out throwing in the s word. It's so not okay!
Completely agree, but I guess now we know for when we have our own kids, right? always gotta look on the bright side! xx
This is such a great post, Melina, thank you for speaking up about this, it really is important. I HATE the double standard that goes with being a woman and dressing up in a certain way, enjoying sex or / and chatting about it, while men aren't just that bothered and / or called out for it. It's 2018 and this should not happen anymore and ugh it is so frustrating.
That's exactly how I feel! Why is it in this day and age people are still judged for how they dress, whether they have sex or not, and just plain out speaking about it! Thank you so much for reading and commenting 🙂 xx
I am so happy you are talking about this topic. It's still so prevalent and central to every woman's life. You are a true inspiration babe!
xx jen
http://lilthoughtswithjen.com/
Omg thank you so much! This means the world to hear. Your comment literally made my day 🙂 xxx
Thank you so much for bringing this issue to light. The eradication of derogatory terms aimed at women and the double standard present needs to be talked about more. This post was beautifully and thoughtfully written. Xo
Thank you so much for reading, and even more for your thoughtful comment. I think it is a blogger's responsibility to bring issues like these into the light. Anyone who has a type of following should make it their mission to try to change the world for the better, and that's what I'm trying to do. If I can make even one person feel better about themselves, make one person smile, or even change someone's mind, I'm doing a good job:) xx
I completely agree with this - dress the way you like and don't let anyone make you feel bad for it! Great post 🙂 xx
I'm so glad you agree! Thanks so much for reading and commenting 🙂 xx
Sadly, yes. Slut-shaming is still a thing, practised regularly by prudes, sexists, hypocrites, narrow-minded haters, and the majority of the patriarchy. It's infuriating. The disparity between how women and men are treated is absurd.
The degree to which people are discriminated against for being prudish pales in relation to the horrendous things prudes around the world do to other people who don't conform to their narrow-minded views.
I feel like if women aren't slut shamed, then they are prude shamed! There is no in between. It's honestly so frustrating. Thank you so much for reading and giving this thought provoking comment. It's interesting to see how people most people who have read this post seem to feel the same way I do, but in reality people are much less positive
I absolutely love this post and couldn't agree with you more, I still love the song 'Can't Hold Us Down' by Christina Aguilera which basically sums this up!- https://sophiehearts.net x
OMG, i completely forgot about this song, lmfaoo! You are so right, thanks for reading! About to go and listen to it now xx
I love how you've brought this up. It really is such a double standard - I've been called a slut for the way I've dressed before. I remember standing at the bus stop one night and these 2 guys driving past called out 'slut'. It scared me. What's wrong with dressing how you like? And also, what's wrong with enjoying sex? If men can have multiple partners, why can't women?
It's so terrible to think that people would treat you badly because of the way someone dresses. The way you dress has nothing to do how you are with a person. As much as some people don't believe this, the amount of sex you do or don't have says even less about the type of person you are. Thank you so much for reading love 🙂 xx
I hate that there is that double standard out there between men and women. Women are called sluts for having sex and dressing a certain way, but when men are having just as much sex or more, they are almost praised for it. In the end, it's a person choice what they want to do with their body or how they want to dress and no one else has a say. Nice post, it's very interesting topic to discuss.
Exactly, it's frustrating when you think about how much of a double standard there is, but I think we're slowly seeing some positive changes. I see way less girls pitting against each other. It's something right? Gotta start somewhere! I'm so glad you enjoyed this post. Thanks so much for reading and commenting 🙂 xxx
It's amazing how women are judged soley by appearance, as men are judged on other things. (income, car, career, etc) It's 2018 for heavens sakes! Wear what you want and enjoy every single day we're on this earth.
My thoughts exactly! As I've gotten older, I've went from caring about every single thing in my existence, to not care about certain things at all. One of them being is how I dress. As long as I like how I look, I don't care what other people think. I like it, aha! Thanks for reading and commenting xx
That's horrible! Unfortunately you are not at all alone.
I remember my adoptive father slut-shaming and abusing my sister. I feel very badly that I was both too weak and cowardly to stand up to him at the time. My adoptive mother, being a direct descendent of Puritans, wasn't much better. She tried to make both my sister and I feel guilty about anything sexual.
By way of contrast, my father had once suggested to me that I "play the field" and "go out and sew your wild oats". Yet hypocritically, he verbally abused my sister for not being a virgin. Finger-wagging hypocrites make my blood boil.
That anger was intensified for me when, after searching for and finding my natural parents and finding out how that prejudice had been at play in my mother being sent to a maternity home and in my being subsequently physically kidnapped by people from an adoption agency, then rented and later sold for adoption.
When I later assisted natural mothers searching for their children I learned that they too had been hounded and bullied into surrendering their children for adoption. Slut shaming is the opposite of benign.
Speaking of sluts, I see Donald Trump has yet to be held to account for the multitude of times he's sexual harassed and sexual assaulted women, or for his multiple adulterous affairs. I haven't read about men calling Trump a slut. Typical.
For millenniums the patriarchy has tried to manipulate women by instilling guilt about their bodies and all of their natural bodily functions in order to control, and subjugate them. They have done it, hypocritically, through churches and through assertion of societal "values". Their "values" and claims about what "God" says are a sin are all lies. Those things were written by men who grew up in a sexist society, not written by 'God' (or Goddess).
God did not sin by allowing babies to be born without clothes. Breast-feeding is natural. Sex is natural. Bigots and finger-waggers are not natural. They are prejudiced. Woe unto thee, hypocrites!
It's time for women to celebrate their own nature and rights, and time for all those male finger-waggers to STFU and get out of women's faces.
omg this is such a terrible story. I'm so sorry that you had to go through something so terrible and traumatic in your life. You are so right, if anyone should be considered a "slut" it would be donald trump. Not because of the fact that he has sex with so many women, but because he has sexually harassed and assaulted women. I honestly still can't believe a child like him is still in office. It makes my blood boil.
I've slowly seen women take back their bodies, and if we all continue to fight for what we believe and stick together, we will succeed. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me xxx
Totally agree. Oddly enough, I've been prude shamed for my actions and slut shamed for how I'm dressed. Unfortunately, women do it too.
That's a great way to continue the conversation. While slut shaming is more talked about, people (including me, in this post) completely forget about Prude shaming. It's actually a thing. There's really no way for people to be happy. They want you to behave a certain way, but not too good or too nice or dress too conservatively because then you're a prude, and then if you do the opposite, you're a slut. Like what do people want!?
Maybe I'll continue this mini feminism series by talking about prude shaming! Thanks so much for reading and commenting love. It honestly means the world and has made my day xxx