Life is about second chances...right?
I find myself to be a very forgiving person. It’s typical in my nature, so most of the time I try to give people second chances. There have been moments in my life though, where I’ve had to put myself first, and decide that it was in my best interest to move on, and not have that person in my life anymore.
Recently, I’ve found myself in the position where I had to decide whether to forgive someone and allow them back into my life, or to move on without them. It's not that this was something I have never experienced before, quite the contrary, I've had to make this decision plenty of times. It's just been the first time in a while that I've had to consider the pros and cons of keeping a certain person in my life or not.
I went back and forth in my head. Deciding what was the better option for me. What was going to make me happy in the long-run. I had to listen to my gut, and figure out what I really wanted to do.
Sometimes it’s easier than other to know whether to forgive and give them a second chance, or to forgive them (for you own sake), but let someone go.
In the end, I decided to give this person a second chance. As of now, I don’t regret my decision. Quite the contrary. I’m pretty pleased with how the outcome has turned out.
One question that’s been circling in my head since this whole thing went on is, at what point is it not okay to give someone a second chance?
I’ve thought about this endlessly since. Then, yesterday...or was it Monday? Whichever day it was, I had a conversation with my friend, and while it wasn’t directly talking about this topic, it helped me come to a conclusion.
It’s okay to give someone a second chance, if you think that whatever they did is something you can forgive and move on from. There are so many people that forgive their friends, family, and significant others, and then hold onto these grudges. Grudges that weigh them down, and end up ruining whichever relationship they were trying to continue.
So I've come to the conclusion that there are two conditions someone should consider before giving someone a second chance. Firstly, I think it’s okay to give someone a second chance if you think they’re genuine and sincere in their apology. I think it’s okay if you think that whatever they did to hurt you will never happen again. If you think they can change.
The second condition you should consider once you feel they're genuinely apologetic and are going to try to change, you have to stop and think, “am I going to be able to move one from this with them?”. While I don’t think you need to forget about what that certain person has done to you, I do think that you can’t keep holding it against them, bringing it up, or hold a grudge. Your relationship will never get stronger.
I think you can't fully move on happily with someone unless both these conditions are met.
What are your thoughts on second chances? At what point do you draw the line and let someone go? Do you agree with those conditions I came up with? Let me know in the comments below! Thank you for reading. As always I hope you have a wonderful day/night. Sending you love, strength, and positivity.
-Melina xx
PS: Sorry for skipping Tuesday, while I did have some ideas to write about, I decided to give myself a day off. Sorry if I disappointed any of you!
I loved your post, I’ve been having this problem with a friend for the past few months and your post was really helpful x
I loved your post. I’ve been having this exact problem with a friend for the past few moths and your post was helpful x
I'm so glad to hear that! I hope that you go with your gut and do what's right for you. Sending you strength and positive vibes. Wishing you the best. Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂 x
I recently went through something similar, but instead of a second chance it was probably a 15th or 16th chance and I decided that I'm done. I completely agree that someone has to be sincere in an apology and genuinely feel regret for what they've done. This person spent our entire decade of friendship never even aware of how badly she was treating me or the people around her.
I think that second chances are good, but when its the same thing over and over and over something needs to change.
I completely agree! Second chances are okay, but after that they're not going to change, and as hard as it might seem for us, we just have to realize that for our own good. I'm sorry you had to go through something like this too! Thanks for reading and commenting Cleia xxx
I would say every situation is independent and the answer regarding whether a second chance is warranted will depend on the nature of the wrongdoing. I would say the point at which you begin to deny additional chances and move on is when others are treating you less than you would treat yourself on a continuous basis. It is important to demand respect for you:) Remember, when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them!
Hope this helps!
Christina
I completely agree! I was actually going to make a continuation to this post talking about if you give people another chance, how many chances should you give people. Like you said, you have to respect yourself and demand that others do the same! I'm a forgiving person, because people are human and make mistakes, but like you said it depends on the nature of what they did wrong to see if they even deserve a second chance. Thank you so much for reading and commenting such a thoughtful response Christina 🙂 xxx
This is such a good post, Melina, definitely makes me think about second chances and some people in my life. I think that it's important to learn when we can let go of something and when we just can't, and it's also so important to know that holding grudges sometimes just lead nowhere and can end up being really bad on ourselves and on our own mental health, too. It's important to know when and if we can give someone a second chance and allow this new relationship to grow and get stronger, get past this obstacle, or not. In the end, it's a matter of a gut feeling more than anything else, for me, in these situations, but your advice is on point! 😀 <3
Trusting your gut is probably one of the best things to do! I think in my recent situation, I definitely went with my gut. As always, thank you so much for reading and commenting Marie 🙂 xxx