dear diary,

While I experience anxiety extremely often, it's been a while that I have felt anxious about a social situation. Earlier this week, I had to drive 3 hours to go on a business trip. One that I've been dreading going since the moment I found out I had to go.

Certain things that are out of my comfort zone make me super anxious, and this...was just one of those things.

While the drive itself was relatively painless (minus all of the traffic), and checking into the hotel was simple, the night before the training course started, I didn't get a wink of sleep. I spent most of the night tossing and turning. While I didn't have any conscious thoughts about the morning afterwards, my body could just not shut off!

My heart rate was going through the roof, I could just not find a comfortable position on the bed, and the sheets felt scratchy against my skin. Finally, I had fallen asleep just as the sun was coming up.

Here I was, going into the first day of training, sleep deprived and nervous. Getting to the building was relatively easy. It was actually a 7 minute walk from the hotel!

I still considered driving. There's something weirdly comforting about sitting in your car when your nervous about something. It's like your lil' safe space.

In the end, I thought about the situation rationally and walked there. I felt the numbness in my hands and legs as I got closer to the building. I walked into the lobby and took the elevator to the third floor.

Some other people taking the class took the elevator with me and immediately started up a conversation. While I was in no state to concentrate on anything other than my heartbeat, I have to say their simple, yet friendly conversation distracted me momentarily.

Once we reached the correct floor, we are guided by employees of the company to this classroom-like room. The founder starts speaking soon after we were all settled. Not even 5 minutes into him speaking, I look at the slide show presentation behind him.

He has a preview of the things we are going to do today, and I immediately notice the "introductions". My entire body goes into overdrive.

I thought I have gotten past this now that I was no longer in school.

He starts going around the room asking everyone to introduce themselves, and while I didn't hear much about what everyone else said, I concentrated on figuring out what I  was going to say.

The moment it got to me, my mind was wiped blank. All I heard was the pounding of my heart in my ears. My whole body hot. I said...something? Definitely not anything I planned to say before it was my turn. Finally, it was the woman-next-to-me's turn.

I had the urge to run to the bathroom, but instead I fought through it. Finally my body started to calm down. I would say that most of the class went fairly smoothly.

I brought my laptop with me, so that during lunch I wouldn't have to feel as awkward. The funny thing is that people wanted to sit down near me and talk to me!

By the end of the first day, I felt so exhausted. All that anxiety causes so much mental exhaustion (that, and the fact that I had gotten no sleep the night beforehand). I didn't want to go to sleep too early, so that I didn't sleep the entire night through, so I ended up going to the gym and to the pool at the hotel.

The morning afterwards, I felt little to no anxiety at all. I knew what I was walking into. I did end up driving, but mainly because it was raining all day. Everyone taking the training class said hi to me as I walked in, and I felt at ease.

I didn't feel as nervous asking questions throughout the class, and the people I liked the best sat around me during lunch. I didn't even bring my laptop with me!

While I was dreading this trip up until the day of the actual training course, I have to say that I've enjoyed myself. It's moments like these that help remind me that it's okay to feel anxious about certain things, you just can't allow your anxiety to stop you from experiencing things that are outside of your comfort zone.