I thought I was unworthy of being loved.
This is a tough one to confess, but here goes nothing... I thought I was unworthy of being loved.
Growing up I was a sucker for romantic novels. I would read those stories, and wonder if I was ever going to get a happy ending just like the books. At the end of the day, I'm a realist, and I know that these romance books are fantasy. Things don't really happen like they do in the books, and that's okay.
These feelings of unworthiness made me feel so alone. I feared getting close to people. I thought that once they found out who I really was, they would realize that I'm not the person they thought I was, and drop me for someone else. I thought they would solidify all the thoughts passing through my head.
Like most aspects in my life, my inner voice is my biggest bully. You're not good enough. You're not very smart. You think you look pretty today...yeah right. You're so boring. Do you realize how annoying you're being right now? I literally could go on and on. Negative thought after negative thought, going a thousand miles a minute.
Earlier this year I read Isla and the Happily Ever After, and I have never related so much. She had the same fears I had, and it had never felt so good to feel like someone understands, even if it was a fictional character.
Reading her thoughts as to why she felt the way she did, made me come to some conclusions as to why I feel the way I do. This feeling of unworthiness stems from my own insecurities of feeling like I'm not good enough.
That's the problem wasn't it, I didn't think I was good enough for anything, much less anyone. While this isn't the case anymore, there was a time where I felt like a second-class friend, a terrible sister/daughter, and a girlfriend no one would want. I remember feeling like I wasn't worthy of having friends who cared or having a loving healthy relationship with a boy I liked. It was an extremely toxic moment of my life, and the people I was surrounding myself with at the time, didn't really help.
I carried around the weight of being unworthy with me for a very long time. Feeling like you aren't enough, is a terrible way to feel, and something someone should never feel. I'm not saying that these thoughts have been completely expelled from my mind. Even now, there's this twinge of fear that crosses my mind every time I start a new relationship or friendship. It's definitely not as bad as it was about 3 years ago, but it's still there, in the back of my mind like a nagging parent.
What I have come to realize through the years is that the negative voice in your head is a reflection of your fears, I promise you it's not the reality. You are worthy of all the love in the world. There's nothing in the world you can do, to counteract that fact. You are and have always been enough. You are a wonderful brother, sister, daughter, son, friend, girlfriend, or boyfriend. While I'm writing this for you guys, I'm writing this for me as well.
As always, have a wonderful day/night. Sending you love, strength, and positive vibes.
-Melina xxx
This is such an incredible post, Melina, thank you for sharing it and for being so honest with us <3 I could completely relate to that and, even if some days are harder than others, this post is definitely a good reminder that we are enough and worthy of all the love <3 Thank you for this love! <3 <3
While it feels nice knowing that I'm not the only one who's felt this way, it's a bit sad knowing that others feel this way. It makes me feel less alone in my feelings, but I would never wish those feelings on anyone! Like you said we are enough and are all worth of love. Thank YOU for reading and commenting Marie xxx
I always felt the same way. I had amazing friends, but no guy ever paid any attention to me. I was 17 and never had an interaction with a guy. Until recently, and it makes me realise that I am worth so much more than I believed. Its about having people show you and not tell you. You can tell someone anything, but you cant always stick to your words and do it. Loved this post! xx
http://zoe-ware.com
I'm so glad you loved this post! I was actually super surprised to see that so many people related to what I was writing about. Makes me feel much less alone. Thank you so much for reading and commenting Zoe xxx
What an honest post! I expect many of us can relate to these feelings... I know I can!
Kate xx | https://katelovestravel.net
I'm glad you felt like you can relate, I think before writing this post, I felt so alone in these thoughts! It's a bit comforting to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thank you for reading and commenting Kate 🙂 xx
I can relate to this so much! I am so type a and such a perfectionist that I there have been periods where I have felt unworthy of love, and that I need to remind myself that I am enough. Thank you for sharing this beauty! <3
I'm glad you could relate to this post! I think at times our minds are our worst enemies, and what we think is real sometimes actually isn't. I definitely need to keep reminding myself of the fact that I am enough too! Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂 x
Such an open and honest post, thank you for sharing! Xx
Thank you for reading and commenting love! Have a wonderful day xx
Loved this post .
Yeah i am sure i have been through this . But again i feel i am not less then anyone and i can do anything if i want to do .
Love is something these days is rare to find .
And yes what we have read and watched in movies the reality is totally different.
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I'm sorry to hear that you can relate to this, but at the same time I'm glad that you feel like you aren't less than anyone and can do anything if you actually want to. Thank you for reading and commenting x