31.

It's so funny, I've barely written on this blog (while I've been pretty consistent on Youtube, I have not been able to find a way to do both well), and yet once it's time to reflect on my birthday, the first thing I want to do is sit down and write a post.

30 was a big "mid-life" crisis year. I felt like time was moving way too quickly. Like I was running out of time to do all the things I've always wanted to. I felt the pressure of making a decision on whether I wanted children or not. Overall the time leading up to 30 and actually turning 30 brought on some big thoughts.

While some of those thoughts have still lingered up to this point, I do feel a bit differently going into 31. Yes, I did blink and another year has passed, but I'm also feeling very content.

I moved about 2 months ago (maybe 3 depending on when I decide to post this), and the shift in terms of quality of life has been significant. We moved into a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment with a washer/dryer, central air and a backyard space. This in of itself is a huge change, but not only that, but I'm closer to friends/family and work!

The one thing I noticed immediately was how much less time I was spending just commuting to and from work. Instead of spending almost 2 hours a day (round trip), I now spend less than 45 minutes. Instead of feeling the need to order in my groceries, I now have the time to go to the grocery store and farmer's market. I get so much more daylight in my day, and my mood has improved tremendously. I finally feel like I have more energy to do things, and it feels life changing. I'm not even trying to be dramatic, I genuinely feel like I have a new lease on life.

I feel like I spend 2 years in a "balancing" phase, only to realize that I never adapted really well to my old apartment. While I did the best I could to make it home, I don't think I realized how much the stressful commute and lack of free time was getting to me.

I feel for the first time in my life, I don't have this giant goal I'm working towards. Of course, there are still I want to achieve, but for the first time probably in my life, I'm just content with how things are in the present.

As a severely anxious person, I've never really been in this position, and it feels kind of nice to not have this looming goal over me. Of course, I would still love to own a house at some point, but it feels a lot less...urgent?

If I'm being completely honest right now if I were to have any goals, they're personal ones. I would love to grow my Youtube channel more. I've been consistently posting and have been seeing growth in terms of subscribers, monthly watch hours, and engagement, which is really nice. There are some weeks where the growth is more stagnant, but in general I tend to see slow steady growth.

My other major goal would be to implement fitness back into my routine. Now that I have more time on my hands, I need to make the conscious effort to take time aside to be active (instead of reading/playing games/lounging around). I think that's going to be the main goals in my life.

The best part of these 2 goals? They're something I can control with consistency! For the first time my goals are something that I can genuinely improve on if I actively work on them. In the past when my past goals were to buy a house or meet a partner, a lot of it is up to luck and circumstance. You can't control when you're going to find "your person" and with this housing market, it's also chaotic.

That may be the reason why my anxiety has decreased a lot in terms of goal setting? I think that feels like a good start for 31 to me! I hope everyone's having a great summer, and hopefully I'll be back with another think piece soon.

My birthday was technically in June, and I'm posting this really late, but most of this was written in the week or so leading up to my 31st birthday. Chat soon xx